before my heart the world is changing:
Powers “needed,” are no longer;
Connection with the world is stronger—
By an inch—
Inch by inch—
Over time, accumulate
Will these effects, and separate
The poison from the inward gold;
Thus might my mind now fit the mold?
—Whose shape lifelong, I’d not uncovered—
‘Til now, mayhaps: its form thereby I just might now discover!
If words could kill, the original reader would be dead. #BlackHistoryMonth #Represent
It’s been a long time since I posted here. It’s school. You know.
Anyway—I wanted to take a little bit of time to reflect on something that’s been…maybe I should say revealed to me? Opened up? to me? I don’t know.
It’s this thing combo of things called inconvenience, necessity and fear. These things make us do things we wouldn’t ordinarily do in order to get what we want. I’ve been in a bit of a slump for a little while. Before this slump, I was literally on top of the world (in my mind, anyway). But life fluctuates.
I was at a bar this weekend. It was a straight bar, but I went because my friends I hadn’t seen in a very long time invited me. And I wanted to see them. So I went.
I was bored. For the most part. This dude walks in, drunk as an idiot in a bath of vodka. Asks me for illicit drugs. I was like “WTF” and he quickly left. However, it was obvious he was gay. And very cute.
What basically happened was this:
-He came back in
-I asked him if he was gay
-He said yes
-I asked if he wanted to fuck
-He said yes
We went to a hotel
and for like…..4 hours we fucked and made out and all the while he was telling me these crazy stories about his childhood and shit. It was really…really interesting. Not in a bad way! (If you’re reading this (you know who you are), don’t take it personally)
Then he told me he was married.
In awe of myself.
Progressively guilty, actually.
We talked about it. His husband, apparently, seems to be a very controlling individual—even though this dude makes hundreds of thousands of dollars a year, his husband seems to have him whipped. Or abused, in which case (and I expressed this to him) he should call for an intervention…or the police. He was pretty frightened, but after you cheat on your spouse I guess you might, right? Shit, I honestly don’t know anything about that. I’ve never been in a relationship (I’m of age, US government or whatever. chill.). All I know is that I helped a man cheat on his husband and I need to get it off of my chest.
I envy him, honestly.
I wish I had someone who loved me that much.
Someone tell me what that’s like?
Anyway, he left eventually. He’s a nice guy. He was just really shaken up. (At least I could give him a good time, right? God I hope this is completely anonymous.)
Thoughts, people. I want them from you.